Now that it’s a fresh new decade, have you made any dating resolutions? Is this your year to find The One? Well, we all know that’s way easier said than done, especially because the dating landscape has been and continues to be changing rapidly due to online dating.
In fact, it’s expected that more than half of couples will meet online by 2031. Pretty crazy considering online dating brings with it its own overwhelming list of confusing behaviours to navigate. Ever heard of Jakylling, Deja-eww, Rossing, Fleabagging or Glamboozling? The frustration levels are soaring with high-speed modern dating, and for that reason, bookstores and the internet are overrun with dating advice to such a degree that navigating all the advice itself can be equally as overwhelming as dating!
So to make your life easier, I’ve narrowed it down what I think is THE most important tip to increase your chances of authentic and enduring love: Guys, you need to go to therapy.
Work on yourself first. Bear with me, here. Do you like to win? Working on yourself is nothing but a win-win situation. It’ll improve your relationship with yourself and it will improve your relationships with others. But what does it mean to work on yourself? I bet you’ve already worked on the superficial things (an impressive resume or impressive muscles can never be bad things). But what if you’re super successful, if you ostensibly “have it all,” but are still miserable to some degree? Or let’s say you’re not miserable but you still secretly suffer from lack of self-worth or an inflated sense of self-worth, or you struggle with feelings of shame, inferiority or unlovability. Instead of going for quick-fixes that aren’t long-lasting, a committed resolve to work on your core issues with a therapist will only change your life for the better. And women love to see that degree of personal accountability and emotional maturity in a man. Trust me.
Infamously, most men hate to ask for help. They would rather get lost in the wilderness than ask for directions…but in this new decade, there is no reason why every man – if he can afford it – should not be in therapy. Therapy helps provide you with an emotional map. Whether you think you need it or not, therapy only benefits you and will benefit your romantic relationships. Committing to emotional growth is hot.
I’m generalizing a bit here, but ever notice how when men are together they tend to build towers of jokes? Like:
Man 1: Haha
Man 2: Haha
Man 1: Hahaha
Man 2: HAHAHAHA
(and so on until the tower falls like Jenga, and you two build another?)
And ever noticed when women are together they tend to create an even playing field of sharing and listening? Like:
Woman 1: Mmhmm.
Woman 2: Mmm-hmmmm.
Woman 1: Mmmhmm!
Woman 2: Mmmhmm!!
(and so on as they maintain a level of eye-contact that would send a lot of men screaming?)
Women tend to bond by confiding in each other, by openly communicating. We are trained and encouraged from infancy to be more comfortable with vulnerability. But it’s not a “woman thing.” Men growing up not being encouraged to develop these essential skills is harmful to men. And hurting men hurt others.
So, guys, therapy will help you practice your skills of confiding in another person rather than keeping everything bottled up or expressed in the “one” emotion “permissible” to men: rage. Your ability to confide in another, to be brave enough to be vulnerable, to share who you are and how you are and be genuinely interested in who she is and how she is, will go a very long way.
The number one healthy boundary to develop in a relationship is to know that nobody but you is responsible for your own happiness. So in 2020, I hope that – without any shame – you take responsibility for your own happiness, I hope that you seek out therapy if you haven’t already so that you truly feel comfortable in your own skin, you feel confident letting others know who you are without fear of rejection, so that your potential for a deep, confiding and therefore more lasting and loving relationship is realized.
Join our next singles event on February 13th, 2020 in Toronto! Get your tickets here!